


longing for daylight

by Siebenschön (grendelsmom)



Series: tumblr requests [1]
Category: Moonlight Lovers (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M, No proofreading, takes place during beliath's route for extra drama(tm), teen rating is honestly just for the swearing, this is probably horribly ooc once we get ivan's route, this was written with a female reader in mind but could be seen as gender neutral
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:35:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22177915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grendelsmom/pseuds/Siebensch%C3%B6n
Summary: Ivan sometimes wanders through the manor during the day, you know that by now. Still it never fails to surprise you, when you see him around.
Relationships: Ivan (Moonlight Lovers)/Reader
Series: tumblr requests [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1614595
Kudos: 10





	longing for daylight

Faint sunbeams fall through the big window and you pry your eyes open to see that last bits of daylight are still desperately clinging on. It’s not night, not yet. But it will be soon, sooner than you would like.

Your body and mind are a mess, confused by the sudden changes from night to day and day to night. They feel the same to you. Sometimes you will wake at the break of dawn, to see the sun rise over the forest in lovely, pastel colours. Sometimes it will be midday with brilliant blue skies or evenings with clouds painted in orange and red. At other times it will be night and then you can sometimes hear the others moving through the manor.

Vampires are unnaturally silent in their movement, but you are able to pick out one or two signs to show that you are not alone (no matter how empty this manor feels) - a swishing curtain, the air moving with a body that had been there just a second ago…

But for now, it’s still day. Still time to roam the halls, that rightfully belong to you, in peace and quite. If you’re fast enough, you might even be able to sneak back up to your room before night time falls and force yourself back to sleep, before the first vampire wakes - before Beliath wakes.

You slip into your dress, which is beginning to look worn. You didn’t bring much with you from the orphanage. And clothes have been the least of your worries for the past few months, but maybe… maybe you will be able to go back to villages tomorrow. Beliath’s powers have never stopped you from going there before and you do not plan on making a run for it. Blindly running away will not work, you have figured that much out by now.

With a sigh you let yourself out of the Rose Room - it is still strange, to think of it as _your_ room - and into the hallway. You think about getting yourself something to eat from the kitchen, when you are able to make out a hodded figure at the bottom of the stairs. Your breath hitches, before you remember, _Ivan_.

You have met him once before during daylight and kept his secret like he asked. It is weird to think about it. A vampire out and about during the day, still clinging to everything that had made him human once. But it also helps to take away the shudder that used to go through you, everytime you so much as looked in his direction.

It did nothing to change the fact that he was the one responsible for your situation, but knowing that he as well is stuck in a similar situation, helps to ease your bitterness. He is miserable and so young compared to the others - you can’t help but feel for him.

“Ivan”, you call after him and he spins around, surprised. The others would have heard you coming as soon as you left your room. Even Ivan should have. You never managed to catch one of them by surprise before. “You did not notice me”, you say as you walk down the stairs. Tone light, teasing.

Ivan seems to shrink back into his hood. His pale face hidden in the shadows. No daylight falls into the entrance hall - all the curtains have been carefully drawn close -, but still he hids himself. Well, better safe then sorry, you guess. Or maybe he was outside. But this whole hood situation doesn’t exactly make him blend in… anywhere, really, surely it is much easier to spot him this wa- “I told you.” Ivan shrugs, but it’s too forced to seem natural. “Our powers are weaker during the day.”

“Oh… yeah…”, you mumble. It’s not that you completely forgot, in fact you had stored that information away quite nicely, hoping to might get some use out of it. But it’s still weird to think of a vampire as anything but an all-defeating force, that could overpower you in an instance.

You walk past Ivan at the bottom of the staircase, when you come to an abrupt halt. You don’t know what to say to him, but it feels wrong to just leave him there. He looks lonely.

 _He’s a monster!_ , a voice, at the back of your head, screams. _A monster that can’t control himself!_ You know that, of course you do. But it’s hard to connect that to the man - no, boy, really - standing in front of you. Maybe it’s just your mind playing tricks on you, but he seems younger in daylight. Thin, almost fragile, with dark circles under his eyes.

You’re being naive, probably. And this might be a huge mistake, but you feel like you might understand him - freshly turned, overwhelmed with everything and everyone - and he might understand you.

“I wanted to go to the kitchen.”, you say, before the rational part of your brain, can catch up with you. The statement hangs loosely, awkwardly in the air. “To get something to eat, I mean.”, you add quickly and then cringe inwardly. This might not be the best topic to breech, considering you are what Ivan would consider something to eat.

You take a deep breath and steady yourself. “What I’m trying to say is, that I wouldn’t mind company, if you would like to come along.”

Ivan looks confused for a moment, before he slowly nods and follows you into the kitchen.

Ever since you had to realize that your living situation in the manor might be more permanent than you would like it to be, you had put some effort into cleaning the abondend kitchen. Your life is not the best at the moment, but you still refuse to eat something that has been prepared on a surface covered in layers of dust. As you scurry through the kitchen, trying to find something edible, Ivan hovers awkwardly next to the door.

You’re sniffing at the bread that you found in the far corner of one of the cupboards, debating if you would survive eating it, when he speaks up. “I didn’t know that we had food down here”, he pauses, “Well, normal food”

“You didn’t. I bought somethings in town.”, you can’t help the dry laugh that escapes your lips, “Beliath tends to keep a loose lash when it comes to things like this.” Ivan scowls, but you ignore him in favour of weighing the bread in your hand, deciding to give it a try. You think there might even be some cheese leftovers still left in the fridge. Old bread and cheese crumbs - a meal worthy of a king. It seems you have to make a quick trip to the town soon anyway.

“You shouldn’t talk about him like that.”, Ivan looks a bit helpless in the way he stands there, still close to the door, as if he is unwilling to enter the room. You have to think about the legend that vampires can’t enter a house, unless you bid them in and you wonder if there is any truth to it. You never thought that you would be able to get an actual answer to that question from a reliable source.

“I didn’t know that you were that invested in keeping Beliath’s image clean.”, you smile to yourself - only slightly cynical. “You’d have your work cut out for you, that’s for sure.”

Ivan shakes his head. “That’s not it. It’s just…”, he trails off, as you spread the cheese over your bread in a way to make it look at least slightly appetizing. “You’re is chalice. And he saved your life. After I nearly killed you.” Ivan glances around the nervously - is he afraid that you’ll freak out as soon as he mentiones what happend to you? Until a few days ago he had every reason to, but now you feel a weird calmness overcome you. You haven’t come to terms with your situation - you don’t know, if you ever will -, but you know that yelling at Ivan won’t change that.

You take a bite from your bread and chew slowly, giving you enough time to think about what you could possibly reply to that. “That’s true, Ivan, but… how should I put it?” You sigh. “Oh well, if someone can relate to dramatic life changes, it’s probably you. You told me once that you don’t take joy from your vampire abilities in the same way that Ethan or Beliath do. Well, I don’t take well to my role as a chalice either.”

You look him straight in the eyes. They are yellow and unnaturally bright. Like sunflowers. “You said that you are awake during the days, because you cling to the things that you once had. And I feel that too.” You take another bite. Ivan doesn’t say a word, but he seems deeply focussed on you. “I grew up in an orphanage. It’s not excactly the best place for a child, but I think I did alright. I had friends, not many, but still. There was just one thing that I always missed. The orphanage was strict. It felt like a cage. And I always wanted to be free. Free to do what I wanted, to go where I wanted. I had that freedom for maybe three days.” You put your plate in the empty sink, your back turned to Ivan, but you can feel his eyes follow you. A dry laugh escapes you and you have to pull yourself together to not let your eyes grow wet. Fuck, you’re getting emotional. “And now I’m trapped in another big, empty house.”

“I’m sorry”, Ivan’s voice is soft and you turn around to see his face twisted in a guilty expression. “Thank you” You shake your head. “But you don’t have to apologise. I’m not mad at you, not anymore.”

“This is just a guess”, you say, “But the way you cling onto the days… It feels like you might miss your freedom too.”

Ivan’s arms are crossed over his chest. His head is turned down, the large hood hiding his expression. He looks up and you are once again struck by how young he looks. Young and lonely and sad. “I guess so. A part of me at least.” He glances past you to the tall windows with the curtains drawn shut. “I miss being able to leave whenever I feel like it. I miss seeing tree leaves against a blue sky. I miss walking through crowds, just minding my own buisness, but somehow being part of the masses. Fuck, I miss being alive.”

Without noticing, you stepped closer to him. Your hand on his arm. Wanting to comfort… to be comforted. Ivan twichtes at the sudden contact. His sunflower eyes wide open. The air seems to be burning and you can hardly breath. He glances down to your neck and your breath hitches. Somehow this feels more intimated than anytime Beliath bit you. Fuck.

“I…”, Ivan’s voice is raspy. “I have to go. Aaron will be waiting for me.” And with that he is out of the kitchen in a blink of an eye.

Your heart is beating heavyly against your ribcage. You glance to the clock. There is at least another hour of daylight left. Fuck. This is so not good.

**Author's Note:**

> god, I miss German bread
> 
> I also appreciated feetback a lot! :D


End file.
